


Cat Scratch Fever

by CGotAnAccount



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Attempt at Humor?, M/M, Nonsense, One-Shot, Whoops no beta, this is really just silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-07-03 06:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CGotAnAccount/pseuds/CGotAnAccount
Summary: Obnoxious yowling has woken Keith up for three weeks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kittymills](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittymills/gifts).



> Whoops! I tripped onto my keyboard and made a thing!   
> Based on that child support cat picture floating around, someone's tags compelled me to word vomit and someone else asking got me to make an account afterrrrr... a long time.  
> So I'll no longer be creeping around as anon "C" but under this equally lazy name.

 Obnoxious yowling has woken Keith up for three weeks.

At first he thought Red was just being catty and wanted food, but stumbling half dead through the kitchen to fill her dish the first few times it happened didn't make her attempts at opera stop. Neither did scooping her box twice a day, giving her endless scritches, or banging his head against the table. If Keith had wanted a needy child he would have adopted a furless one.

After about a week of her morning concerts he thought something might actually be wrong, maybe she had eaten some string and was about to cost him a fortune in vet bills. Despite wanting to make slippers out of her lately he decided to sacrifice some arm skin and an afternoon to get her checked out.

Lots of cursing and $200 later he was only mostly right, except her belly was full of kittens and his counter was covered in even more cat toys and cat vitamins and whatever the hell a cat belly massager is.

The yeowling continued, now at least directed out the damn window where the neighbors fluffy black menace had taken up residence. The bedraggled looking tomcat only meowed forlornly back at her, making sad eyes at Keith whenever he came to pull the shades down each night in an attempt to get Red to give up. Of course his cat would be as stubborn and as thirsty as her owner he thinks as she resorts to yeowling even louder through the shades.

Groaning and stuffing his head under his pillow Keith considers weeping or praying for a head injury to either knock him unconscious or give him critical hearing loss.

“Red, pretty girl, shut the fuck up.” come the grumbles from under the pillow. Red lets out a particularly agitated meow in response and bats at his feet.

“Okay! I'll open the window, Jesus! But the screen stays down, I'm not risking a double litter or whatever the fuck it is cats do.” he grits out, now apparently reduced to bargaining out loud with a cat in his sleep deprived state.

Headbutting him appreciatively Red hops up onto the windowsill and trills at her equally irritating partner in crimes against Keith's sanity who waits on the other side.

After sliding open the window Keith gets the hell out of dodge before the purring turns into attempted grooming through the screen, watching his usually majestic cat smoosh her face into the grid in the name of thirst once was bad enough.

Stumbling down the hall Keith makes his way to the coffeemaker to grab his new lifeblood - since he's only getting five hours a sleep each night with Red deciding to imitate a rooster - and drags himself outside. The porch is blessedly silent of cats making whatever the equivalent of dirty talk is. He nearly trips over the bag of cat food sitting on his doormat, cursing and sloshing coffee onto his feet. Grumbling is quickly becoming his primary form of communication.

Squinting at the sticky note on the bag he manages to make out “Child support” and a stick figure cat with a floof, apparently meant to be the Casanova on his windowsill. He peers around blearily to see if there's any hint to where it came from... Not likely that Gladys across the street would be any less crotchety than she had ever been, and he was pretty sure her cat was white.

He knew Matt and the friend he claimed to have lived next door and had at least one cat but he hadn't seen it yet. Matt would rather laugh at his upcoming multiple grandchildren than lift a finger to help, but it didn't hurt to ask.

Considering his options for how to fish information out of Matt without leaving himself open to Ridicule by Holt is cut short by rustling in his bushes. Great.

Peering over the edge and making clicking noises that are both frantic and hilariously pathetic is a man that Keith can only guess to be Matt's apparently not imaginary friend. He keeps darting glances at the window of Keith's house as he quietly attempts to cajole, bribe, and threaten what must be his black poofy cat back into his own yard.

“Black!” the man hisses, “Black come home! I uh... have tuna?”

Keith can see the lazy flick of a black tail over his sill in response.

Swearing and stretching further towards Keith's window, the man starts to do some sort of shimmy that must be an ancient rain dance repurposed for calling cats as he clicks his tongue and promises endless cuddles if Black would just _leave the cute neighbor's cat alone._

Keith snorts into his coffee, eyebrows raising. Cute huh?

But if bribing a cat or making stupid noises worked he'd have gotten a full night's sleep ages ago and would be a lot cuter this morning.

Pushing off his porch wall and shuffling over to the edge to get a better view of his probably crazy neighbor reveals two things.

Firstly his neighbor is, as suspected, the most awkward human who has ever tried to entice a lovesick cat and more than likely going to hurt himself.

But more importantly Keith suddenly thinks he understands Red's plight if the cat is half as attractive as his owner.

It's not just the sweat that the man has worked up flailing still glistening on his biceps, which are probably bigger than Keith's head, or the beautiful chiseled features currently smooshed up to better make kissy noises. The whole package is the best combination of silly and pure sex that he's ever seen – from the floof of shock white hair on his forehead right down to the tight rubber ducky boxers and house slippers.

Mentally apologizing to Red, he decides he'd climb that man like a tree and yeowl for him all night long too.

Somehow, opening the bedroom screen and setting up a few playdates for the cats seems like a fantastic idea and maybe a few playdates of his own after...

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shiro is (still) a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cause some of you asked for more.... approximately 25 other things ago. Oops.

Hanging out of the bushes in his pajamas wasn't at the top of Shiro's to-do list for the day, but well... here he was.

The morning had started normally enough, feeding Black, slinking around in the dark to leave cat food on the porch of his super cute neighbor, make coffee, the usual – but it had devolved quickly when Black darted out of the open kitchen window and immediately scaled his neighbor's house again. It was bad enough that Black was definitely the cause of his neighbor berating his 'silly, slutty cat' the other day, but to wake him up this early was just unacceptable.

Hopefully cute neighbor was a heavy sleeper.

Shiro jogged out after Black, not having time for clothing or common decency and getting his slippers all dirty as he wedged himself in the bushes between their houses. Black had managed to scramble to the upper window apparently by sheer force of will and was licking the screen aggressively.

“Black!” Shiro hissed, eyeballing the distance that he might fall if startled - Black wasn't a kitten anymore. “Get down from there!”

A dismissive flick of his poofy tail was all Shiro got in return. He stretched farther out of the bushes, pushing through until he was well into the neighbor's yard.

“Black!” Shiro seethed quietly before switching tactics. “Black, come home!” He crooned up to the window, clicking his tongue. “I have tuna!”

Another tail flick. Shiro huffed, throwing up his hands and trying anything to get Black to look away from the screen long enough for Shiro to pique his interest. He was hopping and shimmying, making chirping noises as he cooed at his fluffy boy.

“Black, please!” Shiro begged, holding his hands up to the aloof deity above him. “Please get out of the cute neighbor's window.” He waited a beat and dropped his hands, dragging them down his face with a groan before glaring up at the window again. “We haven't even met him yet and you're already a bad neighbor!”

A snort from behind him made Shiro whirl around, tangling more into the bushes in his haste. His slippers caught on a root and he windmilled frantically, bug-eyed as he thrust an arm into the bush to stop his descent. The strap of his tank-top got snared on a twig as his foot went out from under him, cracking a branch and depositing him firmly on his ass, a fine film of dirty and grass sticking to his sweaty skin.

The snort turned onto a full blown cackle bright in the morning air as Shiro looked up at his tormentor to see... oh.

Cute neighbor was gorgeous up close.

One arm wrapped around his middle as he doubled over and wheezed in laughter. His messy bedhead was strewn over his face and his eyes were squeezed shut as he flapped a hand uselessly against his thigh and hiccuped. He straightened up slowly, taking a deep breath and looking at Shiro before promptly losing his shit again and lowering himself to the ground with his mug of coffee.

“I'm sorry,” He croaked, wiping tears from his eyes as he giggled breathlessly, “I didn't mean to startle you.”

“Oh, you know...” Shiro replied casually, flicking grass from his shoulders, “I was just-”

Black yeowled from the window, finally distracted by the racket. He launched off the sill and into the bushes before leaping lightly into Shiro's lap and nudging him for pets.

“Uh...” Shiro gave the man a weak grin, pointing at Black with one hand while he indulged in pets with the other. “Getting my cat...” Cute neighbor gave him a grin, gesturing to the front of his house. “That's your child support then?”

Shiro scratched at the back of his head, coming away with a twig in hand and tossing it to the side.

“Yeah, I uh... heard you the other day about the kittens and figured...” He trailed off, suddenly aware that it might be strange to give the neighbor you've never met a bag of food referencing pet co-parenting.

Cute neighbor just grimaced into his coffee, nodding.

“Thanks...” He cocked an eyebrow at Shiro, offering his hand.

“Oh!” Shiro wiped his dirty hands off on his equally dirty pajamas before clasping the offered hand. “I'm Shiro, I live with Matt.” He jerked his thumb to his own house, belatedly realizing that of course he lived with Matt, since he was stuck in Matt's bushes.

“Keith.” The man just smiled at him before his gaze dipped down to Shiro's lap, amused. “So is this your normal outerwear, Shiro, or am I just lucky?”

“Wha?” Shiro jerked his head down, cheeks flaming as he realized he was still in just his boxers and now tattered tank top. “Oh shit.” He clamped Black firmly down over his lap as he gave Keith a manic grin.

Keith snickered and took another sip of coffee, not bothering to hide the way his eyes traced Shiro's bare arms and thighs, or the obviously pebbled nipples under his tank top.

“It seems it's a bit chilly out here.” He smirked, flicking his eyes from Shiro's chest back to his face, “How about you get Black situated and come over so we can chat about it over coffee?”

Shiro blew out a breath at the olive branch and shot Keith a grateful smile.

“That sounds great.” He clasped Black firmly to his shoulder as he got to his feet, digging one slipper out of the bush with his foot. “Give me like... 15 minutes.”

Keith nodded, “Sure, I'll go throw a fresh pot on.” He hauled himself to his feet as well and made his way inside with a little wave.

Shiro stood smiling at him like a mannequin until he heard the door shut, then he whirled around and verified that he did in fact feel an extra draft from a new vent ripped into his boxers. Excellent.

He groaned and clutched his squirming bundle to his shoulder as he traversed his bush-filled walk of shame back to his own house, baby talking to Black the whole way.

“You are just the boldest boy! Yes you are, Black.” Shiro rubbed noses with his kitty before pulling back and making serious eye contact. “But you're the best wingman ever, and you're getting extra treats.” Black gave a trilling chirp in response.

If he had bothered to look back he would have seen Keith staring slack jawed through the kitchen window watching his exposed ass disappear into the foliage.

 

 


End file.
